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Happy New Year!



I had a strange erotic dream last night, you were there.



I have not seriously been single in Ten-Eleven years.

I don't know how to flirt.
Recognize when someones flirting with me..

How to Compute Relationships!??

I feel Twelve AGAIN!




My life and Him

I miss him. I really do. I want him to be happy though, even if it’s not with me. I mean, I will never give up hope that at one point we could be “us” again. I love him. I will still cry some days and break down, but I won’t chase him. He would despise me for it. I’ll admire him from afar. I will always keep wishing. I dream of him almost every night now. It’s actually really nice. I use to only be plagued with nightmares every night. I suppose I am blindly hopeful. I hear he’s going on dates. I don’t know if he is with anyone. He seems to hang out with Nelly a lot, which is nice. I mean, she is really adventurous and active, which is Branden all over. He seems to be doing really well. I hope he finds a better job. He deserves it. I’m going to put 100% into College. I want my Doctorate, and I want to try to be in the top of the class. I can be pretty smart if I want to, but College is a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be. I have been trying to go to the gym at least three times a week. So far I have lost inches in my thighs and calves, but so for nothing really in pounds. It’s kind of off-putting, but I know I just need to stick with it and keep going. I have been asked out by at least seven guys, and turned them down. It’s not like I am waiting for Branden, I just… don’t want a relationship. I don’t feel I can connect with anyone else anyway right now. I’m trying to think positively and change my negative outlook on life. I have been fishing a lot. It seems to calm me down and I really enjoy it. I have already caught six humpies and four silvers (Salmon). I’m thinking about trying to be more active, and maybe take hikes, but I would hate to go alone since I’m terrible with directions. I’m hopefully buying a car soon… That will help a lot.

amazing night

I had the craziest, funnest, most amazing drunk night ever! :D Went streaking around town with some friends, and got to see Chris Riley whom I have not seen since 7th grade. Pretty hot xD


fuck feelings

I keep trying to be positive. I am so depressed. I have made a couple of friends, but still feel inconsolable. I feel like I am going to die alone. Anyone I get close to leaves. I want to start over, change myself, who I am.... I cannot. Life sucks. And I still love him. It hurts every day. I hurt, and for what... nothing.


Oh Branden.. Oh life..

All i seem to think of is you, Branden. I miss you. I hope we do work things out. I truly do love you. My only wish is to someday to make you happy. My diet is going okay. It's hard not eating and only drinking juice. I want to loose Forty pounds. I am going to loose forty pounds. Next time you see me, I'll be smoking HOT!! :) and Feel a million times better. I got a job at the college. I'm an office assistant now. Secretary material. I am getting good grades. I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone to snuggle. I have already been asked out, about five times, not including the flirting i received from the best buy associate because i was buying games, and nerding about WoW. I just don't seem to be attracted to them. I have always been picky. I always find something specific that I like in a person, and come to love them for it. Everyone is so ordinary. Maybe I'll travel the world alone. Researching when I get out of school if were not together again. Life is hard. I am sad, but want you to be happy. I just want to be the one that makes you happy.


The most difficult part after a breakup is acting like you've moved on already, but deep inside, your heart and soul all the feelings for each other are still in place untouched and unmoved.



i hate everything. i always give them my everything, but it will never be good enough